Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Single is not a disease, please?

Ever since I can remember I never had an extreme desire to have boyfriends. It's strange because teenage years are the years to 'have fun'. I remember I had one kinda-boyfriend. I don't like to classify him as a boyfriend because we never actually went on a date. But this was when I was 14? I think. It was so insignificant that I don't even remember it only lasted about a month. It wasn't anything special and so I figured why deal with baggage and crap from guys when I know in the end I'll just end up getting hurt. For some strange reason I was really mature on the subject. I have no idea why, I suppose God was speaking into my life.

As I got older... I still wasn't finding anyone worthy of dating and so I never put much thought into and was happy being myself and single, no attachments. It wasn't until recently I noticed the last 2-3 years have been slightly focused on finding someone. I suppose that's just normal for anyone over the age of 18. I even looked at dating sites. I guess I must have felt that there was no interest in anyone I already knew and figured why limit God in the ways to meet someone.

What I didn't realize is that I became less happy with who I was... kind of basing my thoughts on "what's wrong with me? am I really not a good catch? am I ugly?". I know now that none of these things are true. But the ugly part was always a struggle for me. Even though throughout my entire life guys have told me that I'm "hot", 10/10... I wasn't completely sold on it. I suppose that comes from never hearing it from my Dad. I'm slowly learning with the help of God and my wonderful friends that my doubt on that is a lie from satan.

I recently really liked someone and I prayed so long and so hard about it. I was very confused. and I was confident in who I was/am today and so it eventually became public and it wasn't mutual. Now the point of this, is that I spent so much time in prayer that no matter what he said or though about it wasn't going to change my view about myself.

This moment in my life truly confirmed that I am confident in who I am and that I don't need validation from guys to be happy. I wasn't even in the slightest bit hurt. I knew that it was God's way and I was excited actually... about the outcome. I'm still excited. I know that somewhere is someone extremely amazing! more amazing then anyone I've ever known. And I look forward to it, for whenever it happens.

I think too often people run off feelings. Feelings are truly a dangerous thing. They get in the way of God's answers. I do believe that liking someone is not a good enough reason to date. I believe there needs to be more. I'm not sure what it is yet because I haven't found it... but I'll let you know when I do. I have even in the past turned down guys I actually liked back simply for the fact that I saw no long term marriage material. It's hard, but I think it's wise to step back and think about your future before entering into a relationship.

I am proud of myself, that I have found wisdom and guidance through God. And I will be happily single until God gives me the word. I have the most awesome friends and I think the more you accept that and the more you don't expect it... it will surprise you. Don't settle. Please. Love yourself enough to wait. :)

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Front of the line

If you've grown up in the Christian world you hear people tell you all the time that because you believe in Jesus that you get first dibs. I'm not even sure where this comes from... I suppose there are a few verses in the Bible to which God promises good things to those who trust in Him. Sometimes though I think we take it too far. I deserve a better job than that guy... right??? RIGHT????


No? Well think about it... God loves everyone, sees everyone, not JUST you. Yes it's true God does in fact love us and want us to be happy and have success, but what does that even look like? Surely our view does not match His, it can't... because ours is so selfish. It's so demanding to just expect God to put you ahead of everyone else... even if it would make your life absolutely awesome.

Yes God favors His children, I have no arguments there... but favor doesn't mean He loves you more than His other children who aren't close to Him. Think about your own parents for a moment. A good parent anyways, does not show favoritism over other siblings... that would just make everything extremely complicated. God loves everyone the same amount so to assume that He loves you more to give you more is just absurd.

God will bless those who seek Him, there is no lie about that. But it also has a lot to do with the "boomerang" effect. God clearly states in the Bible that what we send out into the world is what we will eventually get back. If you give out good, humble servant you will probably receive somewhat larger blessings... but that isn't God choosing favorites... it's called being fair, because God is fair. He is more than fair, that fact that we get anything good at all is amazing. Without His mercy and forgiveness we would never have anything to brag about.

We always pray that for ourselves that we would get the promotion, win those tickets... Have you ever thought that maybe there is someone else out there who needs it more than you do? We never do. I don't. And it's rather pathetic. God says to put others before your own needs, to be humble servants... to give the shirt off your back. How does that translate into praying for the best of the best... to get everything handed to you... arms open... waiting... expecting. Maybe you're wondering why your in such a crappy job and maybe your wondering why God hates you so much to not just hand you your dream job. Dude, it's not the way it works. Maybe if you stopped thinking that you're better than everyone else God might start to do some awesome things in your life. Just sayin. Seriously... get over yourself... you're just a "speck", "mist".

Friday, May 21, 2010

Good deeds and callings

This came up recently in my life as a subject for thought. I always felt like I wasn't doing a whole lot with my life and that I wasn't living up to the "christian" standard. You know how you see those church people who look like they are BFFs with God? Got about 2-5 different ministries going on... know how to speak and read Hebrew... oh yeah you know those people. Most of the time we feel like crap when we see them. "So what are you doing with your life?"... "Nothing! I'm just a loser!". K, well hopefully your not saying that about yourself... it's not true!

There is a huge misconception that people who obey God and pursue their calling are more right with God. When in fact, these people have nothing to do with the works of God. People in ministries are only instruments of God. Yes they have obeyed God and that is good, but they are not any more saved then you. Keep in mind that you also have a calling and one day you will find it.

Your ministry, your calling does not define who you are. It may be apart of your life but it is not a description of you. If you sing praise and worship, that is NOT who you ARE it is only what you do for GOD. The only description you can give yourself for your ministry is the term obedient, that's all you get. All the glory is Gods, not yours. What defines you is your character and personality.

Good deeds, yes good deeds are well.... good. And Jesus commands us to be humble servants and give as we have been given great things from Him. But be careful and do not except that your good deeds will cancel out all your wrong doings. If that is how it worked no one would ever win. Often most of the time we SIN while doing a good deed! It seems so hopeless, why do we do it then? God calls us to, we should listen to Him... but don't put your faith and growth with God based on your good deeds. You don't have to work that hard to have a relationship with God, He sent Jesus to work hard to have a relationship with US. Your works won't bring you closer to God. It should be, spend time with God and then let Him move you into something He has called you to do.