Monday, July 14, 2008


wow, there must be over a thousand different times in my life when fear has held me back. My biggest struggle with my relationship with God is fear. Every time I grow fear steps in and I move out of the way for it. I step back. What happens is I get to a new place and then BAM it hits me like a ton of bricks. Mostly during the night, of course. See, it takes me any where from 30 mins to 2 hours to fall asleep. So you can imagine that at this point your mind wonders into things it shouldn't. I'm not sure that I have a problem with thinking demons are in my room... but more so the though of an evil person. Not always in my room... I have an issue with unblinded windows at night. Some times the thought of a man starring at me through a dark window really gets the better of me. Or some times I think that that man is inside my house. And I know its not real and I know that its not from God. Some times when I pray I can defeat it and go to sleep anyways... and some times I don't. Some times I still need to keep my light on. It seems childish but I can only imagine that there are others out there too ashamed to speak about it. And then the really sad moment happens. When I've had too many scary nights, I think to myself "is this worth it?". OY! whats wrong with me right? *sigh* So every time until now I have backed off from God. And here I am again, trying my best to move forward. I also don't like to hear prophetic word. I know its from God... but it still seems kinda spooky to me... specially when its about a "movement" that's coming. It just freaks me out. It makes me think that they are talking about the end of the world. In some cases they are. The reason I tell all of this is so that if you are having trouble as well.. you are not alone. And also for the purpose that you should offer comfort and encouragement to those people struggling with fear. You don't need to say "fear is a sin, get over it.. its not right"... offer kind and gentle thoughts. "You'll be okay, don't worry God is always with you. And I'm always praying for you. When you are scared, you can come to me and we can talk".

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